Caption: Me and my single Mum (Falesoa Vari) during one of our gardening excursions in the village
By MATTHEW VARI
Wednesday, June 19, 2013 (Midweek Chronicles, PNG)
I asked her once, “Mummy who is my father” and she answered, “Your
father is God in heaven”. To be honest, I was disappointed with that answer. I
knew who God was, believe me. At seven years of age in a Christian country. He
is pretty much the equivalent to the first best mighty super hero one learns of
early on in life.
I wondered what I was to tell my elementary class mates. Every one
of them, according to my reasoning, had a mother and father. I wanted one, too.
When I constantly asked the question, she got irritated. Telling me she is both,
my father and mother at the same time. Believe me, my mind worked overtime
trying to understand and justify why this was so. This is just one of many
examples of the situations and difficulties single parents are faced with,
raising their children on their own.
To the layman – a single parent is defined simply as a single
mother, or father who is the sole provider to his or her children. Almost every
one of us will experience this at one point in our lives, which is to be a
single parent or to be a child to one. In my own opinion there are three types
of single parents out there. Each of them are equal champions in their own
right. They are; the single parent separated from their partner, the parent
single due to circumstances beyond his or her control, and finally the single
parent that simply refused to be attached to anyone but her children.
The single parent who has separated from their spouse is strong in
mind. He or she takes on the challenge that was once shared by two. Making and
adapting to the roles as his, or her own. The single parent who has had the
responsibility thrust onto them is a person of resilience. Their love is
undeniable. They are a beacon of hope when all seems lost. Lastly, is the rebel
of all single parents. Most would say a tiger in human skin. They protect their
children against all. Even the storekeeper from the street corner must choose
his words carefully when he serves their children. In fear of a punch-up or and
an ear-bashing.
So what are the challenges both the single mum, and dad face? We
call them many things. Some we wish we never said. The single parent is a full
time, over-worked worker. That never gets paid for the extra hours. Some of the
names we use for them are outrageous at times like; mums, mommy, right girl,
you stap na me stap (Tok-Pisin phrase
meaning because you exist, I do so as well), in my local dialect ‘sina’ (short form for mother), and my personal
favourite, the Queen. For single dads they use; paps, fada man, boss, dad, daddy, local dialect of dad,
and the list goes on.
They work almost every day in chaotic environments. If they’re not
working hands on, they worry about their kids wherever they are, until they get
a severe migraine. Eventually getting relieved when they take out the stress on
the big-headed last-born, typical!
They spend their money on everything apart from themselves, and
unfortunately it may never be reimbursed. Single dads are willing dressers to
the girls and give opinions on fashion, cook, wash, clean, and listen to the
latest gossip. Single mums must be willing to talk sport, bash the big kid in
class who bullied her son. Make sure her son never beats a woman by beating the
message into his skull.
Their responsibilities will remain for the rest of their lives
with no assistance, no leave, and no superannuation. Singles parents never want
to think of themselves, yet they complain about this for the rest of their
lives. They must make their children fear them. At the same time convince them,
they are their best and only friend to talk to. Children tend to be closer to
their single parent than most families with both. It is because they don’t have
to choose.
With all the hardships and happiness comes the part all children
hate. It is when they die. I’ve been blessed to have been born to a single
parent. Though growing up through the years, the want for a father will always
be there. However, I’ve realised that it was just a want and not a need. She
was right after all when she said I don’t need a father. To this day she has
given me everything, love, advice, food, shelter and many more. You name it my
mom a.k.a. dad has given me. I salute her and all parents, whether single or
not.
Now that she’s gone, the world seems a lot darker. Unlike me – you
would have had twice as much fun with your parents, when I will have had it
once. You will cry once, but will give a sigh of relief that even though one is
gone, the other still lingers their memory and a sense of security. I myself
will cry once and never stop. I will have one chance to make it right, one
chance to have fun with her. If you asked me 16 years ago who my hero would be?
I would have said superman. Now if you asked me that same question. I’d say my
single mum is the greatest hero I have ever known.
ENDS///
No comments:
Post a Comment